Wednesday, September 21, 2005
sorry people.... I havent wrote for such a long time...
i have a good reason though...
my schoolwork...
and school itself...
here's somehting i'll tell you about , in a story i made, about a girl, and her diary entry...
Dear Xhy, 16 Sept 05’
You know I used to like him, him of whom I speak of every time, him.
But now my mind woke up from it’s long hibernation and finally I realized who I really like, who I drew my attention on, and I realized that the attention I put to him was a mere illusion of a need for something. Probably for popularity since I’m in a new school.
But diary, I wonder if it is wise to keep it hidden from my fellow girlfriends, I used to be loud, of those you call the ‘class clown’. But now I tend to keep secrets, and as me, I know perfectly how he dislikes me as more than a friend.
I mean, ok, we sit together a lot, we talk a lot, and we’re friends, kind of…
We sat together a dozen of times, we talked, as friends would, we laugh a lot, and I was ok, I didn’t realize anything, blinded by my will to get the social status, I didn’t realize that I’m starting to like him.
But now, after one time, suddenly my affection change to him.
He’s Asian dear diary, like me…
He’s not really what you’d call cute, but he, unlike the other him, was kind and funny, he even complimented my masterpiece, how sweet, we also kind of have the same interest, comic!
But suddenly, he ‘accidentally’ left his stuffs at home, and ended up sharing with me, we went ballistic, and we weretalking the whole period!!
Dang…
I can’t believe this…
But dude, how’d you feel if there’s a nice guy who compliments your work, shares your interests, have almost everything you’ve ever wanted and is funny sitting next to you?
See?
Get my point now? He might not be cute, but still…
It’s not like that’d mean the end of the world, I know he wont like me back, but there’s nothing I can do than to just leave it just the way it is, cause if I force myself to it, he’s juts be ill-feel towards me, and that’s bad, rite?
I don’t really care if he really likes me or not, but he’s nice to me, unlike ‘Eriol’…
Let’s find a name for him…
Um…
God, I hate this, I’m stuck, I want to act to him as just a mere friend, but I keep blushing when he’s around, and it’s not rare that I get stuck as tablemates…
I hate it…
Why can’t I just like someone decent?
What if I get a bad mark? What if I forget my book? What If I didn’t do my homework? What if I embarrass myself? What if I did something wrong?
What if he’s there when all that comes along?
I feel bad, because I didn’t like him before, and all of sudden, alakazam…
He’s there, for such a long time that I didn’t even realize that someone with the same interests and someone who’s as funny as and nicer than Eriol is right in front of me?
Aren’t I just a complete retard?
Someone with the same interest, someone funny, kind and some one who has almost everything you ever wanted, right beside you…
Isn’t life just beautiful? NOT!
I HATE THIS STUPID CRUSH THING! I WISH I NEVER LIKED HIM, because I know I wont get it back, I know I’ll be acting stupid in front of him…
Me, the demonic angel that always tries to look strong, the tomboy one who hates skirts, then… then…
After he appeared, I don’t even care anymore, I just want his attention, o look the best, and all I can do is draw, draw and draw…
Cause what have I got? I ain't damn’ gorgeous, I’m kind of smart (he said that!), I’m not tall, and I’m not that strong…
I’m just a down-to-earth mean girl who hates skirts, wears braces, loves art, loves basketball, loves to read, wants to be strong (in and out!), loves martial arts and love humor!
Completely stupid, I’m a god damned retardant!!
It’s late at night…
I’m sorry, I’ve been rambling those I shouldn’t ramble about…
Please forgive me, I cant find anywhere else to pour it all out…
Love,
Ange
How's the entry? short and simple? nah...
I took someone i know's character here, and i took my friends character as the girl^^ apologies guys!!!
sorry anyway...
here's a song^^
Again, we have a lot in common
But you always ignored me
Except when you are in need
Can you hear me calling?
I feel like melting down,
Your eyes are so penetrating
Can you hear me?
Can you terrorize my soul?
Can you give me what I want?
The light I see from you
The truth I see in me
Can you bring me down?
I know what I can see
I know just what I feel
I feel like floating up the sky…
I don’t know to say
I like it anyway
The fact that you know that I exist
Coz’ in this world I tried
And tried for once again
But you weren’t there
To help me…
Can you lift me up?
I guess I fell too far
Can you give me what I want? [oh baby]
You’ve terrorized my soul
From what I see in you
It’s only you, you , you, you ,you that I see
Oh, I feel I’m falling down
You’ve got me lifted up high in the sky
Oh can you bring down
Coz’ I know what I’m feeling right now…
Why, am I so strangely
Affected by your presence, baby
Why, you terrorized my soul
My heart belongs you in any way
So baby cant you see,
That you belong with me
And everything that I see
Now, would you hold my hand
Help me understand
Why cant you see me waiting
Why, would you let me down
Why cant u see
That you belong with me
So baby bring it on
Coz’ I’ve been standing here so long
Just waiting for you
Just waiting for you
Just waiting for you to come for me waiting
So baby cant you see,
That you belong with me…
and nobody else i see here
stay with me...
dont go away
dont leave me alone again
hold my hand till the end
would you be the one, to cheer me up
when i'm sad?
coz you belong with me...
ok, g2g...
bye2
it's me again at [6:27 AM]
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
It feels strange
I’ve been swirled around
Although vigilant
Fear is not alerting me
I have no intention to be scared
But I am a doll
A figure
I don’t exist
I am only a figure that could not speak nor hear
I move as you move me
I am hypnotized
You created my movements
You pulled my strings and brought me to life
My fake smiled that is painted on my face
I am not alive
Only a doll
But I can see you
But we are different
Two worlds cannot be joined
I could not speak to you
Nor can you speak to me
But I am not a shadow
As you moved my arms
I was controlled
I am a doll
A marionette
No frown ever painted
Could ever express the live of a marionette
A controlled life
it's me again at [6:16 AM]
Monday, July 04, 2005
as the sun shines
it's rays of light peeking through the curtain
replacing the mild yellow moon
as the white fluffy clouds appear
painted on the big blue sky as a canvas
and the branches wriggled and creaked
when the tiny claws of those who flew landed on them
just to build their nests from the brown dried leaves
and lay eggs for weeks soon to come
and as the wind blew and the leaves fall down
i'm standing here
only watching, non-existent
i alone can only watch for years
longing to experience it, but can only look at it with sad eyes
and i'm still standing here
still standing here...
it's me again at [11:34 PM]
Sunday, July 03, 2005
ni hao, wo she monica, wo she i ni ren...
bonjour, je m'appelle monica, je suis indonesienne
konichiwa, watashi wa monica?
Ok.... that was weird, I AM DEVASTATED HERE PEOPLE! i am seriously goin' crazy, wait, aint i crazy yet? Lemme' see, this is my first day in french intensive summer course, yadda yadda, and i have to take it monday-friday from 8AM to 12PM , yes people, 4 hours straight, FOR THE REST OF MY SUMMER HOLIDAY, as if summer isnt boring just yet... Not mentioning my lack of INTEREST, but also the fact that I'm the only 'kid' in class, there was even this business woman who took the course cuz' she received a financial report in french yadda yadda... HELLO? they're like all in college or working, bah...
I'm lonely here? and no one's online, bahumbug...
I tried coloring one of my so-called masterpiece (in my dream^^), yes, AGAIN, but i think i like it just black and white...
I'll give ya'll the preview sometime k?
it's me again at [10:25 PM]
Friday, July 01, 2005
and if I can fly
I would fly
and if I fell
would you catch me?
I have no reason
worthwhile, I was just a shadow
a fantasized fiction
no one to you
but from the window of dreams
I saw you
and thought,
If I fell,
would you be my hero and catch me?
If I was dying,
Would you be there to hold my hand
until the end of time?
I knew the answer without hesitation,
as my figure fades away
I turned back,
with no regrets,
I walked away
as unseen, I was taught to be feeling less
there was no rage neither jealousy building inside me
unknown to me why,
teardrops formed and streamed down the edge of me eye
I glanced back to your figure
cast opened and flew
I turned back as my figure completely faded to finally disappear
and broke to infinity pieces
as I said good bye to everything
and to you…
it's me again at [12:16 AM]
~MoNiCa~
*B'day: 25 ãpRiL 1993
*SchooL: moviNg ^^
*EmãiL: okita_souji254@yahoo.com
Favourites
~soba & ramen^^~
~anime and manGa..
Dislikes
*BugZ
*15 & BFL
Wishlist
*me? I want a nice summer vacation...
*and maybe some manga 4 eXampLe: Bleach #1, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle #5, etC
Memories
Music playing
*BesiDe yoU~BoA
Introduction
~diz' is wheRe i stoRe my poeMs & stories, in the meaaning, dailY lives^^, k'?~
This is my blog
I am feeling happy, well, kinda...